[...He would ask why the fuck you have any of this, but he's pretty sure he knows exactly why the fuck you have any of this and you know what, there's a time for questioning and now isn't precisely it.
That said, though- ]
And where would you have me put you for this?
[He doesn't mind the contact, sur...prisingly enough? But you're going to have to be set somewhere while this is going on.]
The... [He starts to suggest his bedroom where he can lie down, before two things occur to him: A. the blood still on his clothing, and B. the idea of bringing Gray to his bedroom is suddenly a rather mortifying thought even though it's a perfectly normal reason to go there, so instead his gaze drifts to the living room.]
... The couch is fine for now. I need to get a new one anyway, so it doesn't matter if my blood ends up on it.
[... On account of this being the same couch that he initially had kept Jyuto's body on after it crystalized. Not that any of Jyuto's blood had ended up on said couch thanks to the weird crystal thing, but it's still something he plans on getting rid of sooner or later because of that incident. But hey, also blood ending up on it from getting shot is as good an excuse as any to get rid of it too, right.]
[...You know, if he knew about this line of thought he probably would argue it, just because of the logistics of changing the sheets as opposed to changing the whole-ass couch? This seems like such a Massive Blood Loss decision.]
...Very well, if you're certain.
[He's not going to try to debate the questionable life choices today. That can come later, for now it's a matter of depositing Danny on his couch made of priorities and getting the supplies he'd mentioned, and not exactly seeming inclined to go anywhere even once he's done that.]
[Since when is Danny absolutely certain of anything, Gray.
Once he's seated on the couch, he'll go through the instructions of placing the bags on the stand, and getting the needles into his arm. Once that is done, he sighs, wincing from the amount of pain he's still in.]
Okay... I think I have some medication somewhere in the kitchen, but it'll probably be a while before they start to take a decent effect. Otherwise, this is about as much as we can do on our own for now.
[Until then his choices are passing the fuck out and hoping nothing really stupid happens in the form of an unforseen medical complication while he's unconscious... or talking to Gray, which seems to still be the option available to him since Gray hasn't made any indication of wanting to leave yet.]
... About what you were saying earlier...
[Because of course he starts there on conversation topics they could be having.]
... I'm glad that you're not... displeased with us about... you know. This.
[Indicates the injured arm with his other hand since it's not a good idea to be moving his injured arm around too much now that he's home.]
[...Right. Of all conversations we could be having right now, he chooses this. Naturally.
Just... Gray will remain near him on the couch at that point (seeing as it's just infinitely easier to get needles in when you aren't just hovering over someone), and though he doesn't seem entirely certain how to proceed with this he doesn't seem like he wants to flounce out of the conversation, either.]
I fail to see why I would be. You don't often tend to disappoint me.
[He's glad you're not hovering over him, it makes it easier on his nerves talking about this.]
... But I have, before.
[Disappointed Gray, he means. Like the entire clusterfuck that happened with the building and the end of our lives. Or at least he's pretty sure that's sitting somewhere in the evidence pile of "things that make Danny a disappointment" here. He could probably think of more, past events he probably could have done better with even before meeting Rachel, but that's the big one that he's certain of that Gray would be referring to here.]
[It isn't a needed reminder, but one he feels obligated to state anyway.]
You've taken actions in the past that I haven't agreed with or approved of, I imagine that much to be plain. Even so, continuing to hold such things against you seems pointless now; it isn't as though there was no penance done.
[Danny starts to open his mouth at the reminder that Gray isn't one to lie, but then whatever he had thought about saying to that goes away as Gray continues speaking.
Penance huh... yeah, he guesses he did pay a price for it in the end, what with dying and all. But...]
You ended up paying for it too... and Cathy and Eddie as well, I suppose.
[He doesn't feel as much guilt as he maybe should where they are concerned--they were well aware that "judging sacrifices" results in dangerous things happening, they had to have known on some level that the possibility of them dying someday in that building was pretty high. Of course, Zack had not been normally a part of that equation of what might kill them someday, but then, it's not his fault either that Zack chose Rachel, of all people, to be the one that he decided was worth chasing to the next floor.
But Gray was someone he had sort of imagined as an ever-present constant that wouldn't die--not because he was an actual God, but just out of sheer willpower to continue even as his "angels" died and were swapped out, like in the case of Shin and Eddie.]
[It takes him a moment to find something to say with regards to that; it is, after all, as he's always said, and as he's just reiterated now - he doesn't lie. He has no intention of starting now, nor is he one to tend to grant absolution from things that are ultimately known to be true.
And ultimately, it is true that he paid a price for what happened. Is that Danny's fault? Not precisely, but had things not derailed so violently it wouldn't have turned out that way. Any absolution granted would be patently false and they both know it.
Even so, it's not something he's content to leave be where Danny's left it.]
Cathy and Eddie assumed an element of risk when they came to serve. As did I, in creating the experiment to begin with.
[His floor has always been dangerous, if sometimes indirectly, but he also holds to a standard of not killing until someone thoroughly deserves it. And if that's not a good way to get stabbed in the back by desperate people, he isn't sure what is.]
And yet it sounds as though you hold yourself to a higher level of responsibility over me.
[He does understand why, to some extent, but he doesn't precisely agree with the notion, either.]
[It doesn't surprise him to hear the first part of what Gray said, or even really the second for him to be observant of the fact that Danny's prior response seemed to care more about Gray having died than Eddie, a child, or even Cathy, someone he knew before meeting Gray.
But it still leaves him struggling a bit to explain his sense of guilt there.]
You didn't die on your floor like Cathy and Eddie did, you... you probably could have escaped too, if...
[... if Danny had not been so insist on shooting Zack and Rachel dead, and Gray had to stop him from killing them.
But, he doesn't finish that sentence with that, instead lapsing into silence because even he knows it's a weak argument. Especially considering that Gray had chosen to stay of his own accord even after Danny was no longer a threat from several arrows in the chest. He probably could have left him to die there then... but didn't.]
[Hence why he didn't bother trying to finish that weak-ass counter argument. But now that leaves him awkwardly silent for a moment because he doesn't have any other real excuse to offer that isn't fucking embarrassing to admit in some way. After a moment, he tries--]
Well, I did also agree to do what was expected of me, when we met... but then, well, didn't.
[So there, he's a disappointment for being selfish and causing that clusterfuck to happen because he didn't stick to what was expected of his role as an "angel" here. Not that he even cared about the "angel" part of that, but again, circling back to that whole "list of things Danny has done poorly" thing that he seems rather stuck on here.]
[...Definitely so, but at least he's still more or less conceding the point.]
While that may be the case, you don't have to hold yourself accountable for my actions. In the end, they weren't as a result of anything you did or didn't do.
[The situation was, surely. But his actions and their subsequent outcome were his own doing. That, he thinks, is the point he's trying to make; the fact remains that navigating this is far more difficult than he's used to. Discussion of his own thoughts and feelings regarding things isn't anything he indulges in, nor is he in the practice if doing so; far easier to focus on the thoughts and actions of others.]
[Danny feels like that was still his fault in some way, but--like the man said, Gray isn't a liar. It's one of the only reasons even Zack trusted him to some degree.]
... Okay.
[He breathes out a sigh, and it seems he's able to drop the argument now in regards to his guilt or lack there of on certain matters.]
Okay.
[He finds himself saying again rather unnecessarily, as if it'll somehow make it stick that he is in fact okay with it now.]
Regardless... it, ah... was a relief to hear that. And having your help in general. I don't think I could have asked anyone else for this.
[Back to the original point he had been trying to make before devolving into talking about his failures, he's trying to say that it made him happy that you said any of that while taking care of his injury earlier, let alone showing up to do so.]
[Good, that's great to hear, actually. Danny leans back against the couch a little, a thought coming to mind of something else that's... veering dangerously into feelings territory, but his mouth moves before he can stop himself.]
In that case... after you bring the medication over from the kitchen, there's one more thing I'd like to ask you to do.
[Right, that's a thing that should probably be done, isn't it, let him go do that if we're done talking about emotions and he can do this without looking like he's just trying to fucking bail.
However, since he does not lie and is not, in fact, trying to fucking bail, he will at least hear whatever it is Danny's trying to ask him to do once that's taken care of.]
[After Gray comes back from the kitchen with the medication, and Danny has thrown back a few pills here, he sort of hesitates in regards to this last thing he wants to ask for because it might be construed as a weird thing to ask for, but he forces himself to ask it anyway.]
Can you... stay for a little while longer? Or, ah... just at least until I fall asleep.
[At least there's less of a danger to him doing so now that the wound has been taken care of, for now, and he's got iv fluids helping to replenish some of the prior blood loss.
There isn't really a place for Gray to sit except for the couch though, so there's also the implication that he kind of wants to go back to leaning against Gray for a few minutes here, but Danny is quick to add--]
It's fine if you can't, though. I don't want to keep you from anything important.
It...probably isn't as odd a request as it strikes him; he isn't sure what about it hits him strangely, but it takes him a moment to respond.]
You aren't keeping me from anything.
[He's aware that the couch is pretty much the only option, and the implication isn't lost on him; that, however, he finds he doesn't mind now that the unexpected nature of the request itself has been processed and dealt with.
[Danny had been mildly bracing himself for a rejection to that request, already planning what to say in mind, so when Gray does agree to sit down and proceeds to do so, he can't help but be a little surprised. Maybe it shouldn't be a shock given that asking someone for company is considered easier for most than asking someone to remove a bullet from your arm but hey... this is Gray and Danny we are talking about here.
So Danny nods to that, and maybe it is a bit selfish of him, but he does proceed to lean against Gray here once the other man appears to have found a comfortable spot to sit with him. It's not quite the same fix as skin-to-skin contact can be with moon-lacing, that would most likely require holding Gray's hand or something while doing this, but Danny isn't trying to go that far yet. For the moment, he seems satisfied enough just with doing this.]
[He shifts a bit when Danny leans up against him; not as though trying to discourage him or get him to move elsewhere, as that would both be counterproductive and not nearly as intended, but rather just...settling. As true though it may be that it's easier for most to ask for company, Gray has never really been the sort to let himself just spend time with others - there's always a purpose to it, always a point, and that point is never "because we wanted to" or "because we felt like it." Simply being comfortable with another person, wanting to spend time with them because it's just...what they're doing now, it isn't something he's accustomed to; just the same, it isn't something he's in direct opposition to, either, otherwise he wouldn't be here.
This is weird, to put it in far blunter and more inelegant terms, but it's a good kind of weird, maybe. As long as Danny is content with it, he finds that he can be likewise; it's not something to be thought about or quantified in any sort of measure, not for now. It's possible that he'll try to sort through it later, when he's on his own again and isn't currently trying to become accustomed with the way this is going to go as it's happening; it's more likely that he'll consider long enough to decide that it's something to be disregarded until such a time that it becomes impossible to continue doing so, and then he'll have to sort through why that is, and that's likely to be...messy, in a way he doesn't particularly care for.
But for now he hadn't lied to him, because he doesn't deal in untruths - he's meant everything he's said, and that includes the notion that Danny hasn't done anything to displease or disappoint him in needing any of this, and it likewise includes the notion that he'll be here for as long as Danny pleases, at least for the time being.]
[At some point, Danny's phone (still with dried blood on it, whoops) suddenly vibrates on the table indicating that someone is trying to text him, but Danny doesn't react to it at all.
Which, aside from the way he's started breathing in the last few minutes, is one of two signs that Danny appears to have fallen asleep here from where he's leaning up against Gray's side. Like he said before, Gray can take this opportunity to leave if he wants to, or really even do whatever else he wants while in Danny's apartment.
But at least he doesn't sound like he's too much pain at the moment. Guess having Gray around actually did help in having him be able to sleep a little easier.]
[Gray isn't entirely well-versed with medical things - again, this entire circumstance has been a learning experience - but he does know a few things; sleep after major trauma can be a good thing but it can also be the body deciding that it's a lovely time for a coma, and waking someone up every couple of hours is probably likewise a good thing, just to make sure they're responsive.
At least, that's how it works for concussions; he imagines it's much the same for blood loss. Things that can cause the body to go into shock and all that.
So he'll let Danny sleep for a while; as little as he generally cares about invasion of one's living space, he actually holds little interest in going through the apartment while Danny is asleep. Even so, it isn't as though he wasn't brought up knowing how to pass time in silence; at times like this you reflect, and you pray to a god that doesn't exist, and it's been a while since he's done any of that in any sort of earnest - there's still no sincerity behind any prayers he may happen to give, no expectation that anything he offers will be heard, but it's something that's familiar and the words come to mind easily, so for the time being that's what he does. For the world, that it might know purity and faith in god, and that the nonbelievers may be purged in unending fire; for the well-being of all his servants, and the deaths of those who would seek to lead them astray. There's a brief intercession for Danny; there's a somewhat longer one for the means and the ability to destroy the cause of whatever happened to him.
He'll wake Danny up eventually, however, just to see how well he's capable of doing that; he's not trying to straight-up jostle him or anything, but he'll shake him a bit, minding the injury as he does so.]
[Danny, at first, doesn't react to his name being called, but after the shaking he does make a groaning noise.]
--Hmm?
[Normally, being a paranoid person, being awoken by means other than naturally can put him on edge, and sure enough, he quickly brings a hand up to grasp Gray's arm before he winces from the pain of his injury at the sudden movement. It does however cause him to blink a bit more back to awareness and remembers--right, Gray. He had been sitting next to him, so it makes sense for him to be the one waking us up. While he doesn't remove his hand yet, he seems to relax about as much as he can.]
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divinesight) wrote2020-02-21 08:46 pm
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That said, though- ]
And where would you have me put you for this?
[He doesn't mind the contact, sur...prisingly enough? But you're going to have to be set somewhere while this is going on.]
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... The couch is fine for now. I need to get a new one anyway, so it doesn't matter if my blood ends up on it.
[... On account of this being the same couch that he initially had kept Jyuto's body on after it crystalized. Not that any of Jyuto's blood had ended up on said couch thanks to the weird crystal thing, but it's still something he plans on getting rid of sooner or later because of that incident. But hey, also blood ending up on it from getting shot is as good an excuse as any to get rid of it too, right.]
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...Very well, if you're certain.
[He's not going to try to debate the questionable life choices today. That can come later, for now it's a matter of depositing Danny on his couch made of priorities and getting the supplies he'd mentioned, and not exactly seeming inclined to go anywhere even once he's done that.]
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Since when is Danny absolutely certain of anything, Gray.Once he's seated on the couch, he'll go through the instructions of placing the bags on the stand, and getting the needles into his arm. Once that is done, he sighs, wincing from the amount of pain he's still in.]
Okay... I think I have some medication somewhere in the kitchen, but it'll probably be a while before they start to take a decent effect. Otherwise, this is about as much as we can do on our own for now.
[Until then his choices are passing the fuck out and hoping nothing really stupid happens in the form of an unforseen medical complication while he's unconscious... or talking to Gray, which seems to still be the option available to him since Gray hasn't made any indication of wanting to leave yet.]
... About what you were saying earlier...
[Because of course he starts there on conversation topics they could be having.]
... I'm glad that you're not... displeased with us about... you know. This.
[Indicates the injured arm with his other hand since it's not a good idea to be moving his injured arm around too much now that he's home.]
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Just... Gray will remain near him on the couch at that point (seeing as it's just infinitely easier to get needles in when you aren't just hovering over someone), and though he doesn't seem entirely certain how to proceed with this he doesn't seem like he wants to flounce out of the conversation, either.]
I fail to see why I would be. You don't often tend to disappoint me.
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... But I have, before.
[Disappointed Gray, he means. Like the entire clusterfuck that happened with the building and the end of our lives. Or at least he's pretty sure that's sitting somewhere in the evidence pile of "things that make Danny a disappointment" here. He could probably think of more, past events he probably could have done better with even before meeting Rachel, but that's the big one that he's certain of that Gray would be referring to here.]
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[It isn't a needed reminder, but one he feels obligated to state anyway.]
You've taken actions in the past that I haven't agreed with or approved of, I imagine that much to be plain. Even so, continuing to hold such things against you seems pointless now; it isn't as though there was no penance done.
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Penance huh... yeah, he guesses he did pay a price for it in the end, what with dying and all. But...]
You ended up paying for it too... and Cathy and Eddie as well, I suppose.
[He doesn't feel as much guilt as he maybe should where they are concerned--they were well aware that "judging sacrifices" results in dangerous things happening, they had to have known on some level that the possibility of them dying someday in that building was pretty high. Of course, Zack had not been normally a part of that equation of what might kill them someday, but then, it's not his fault either that Zack chose Rachel, of all people, to be the one that he decided was worth chasing to the next floor.
But Gray was someone he had sort of imagined as an ever-present constant that wouldn't die--not because he was an actual God, but just out of sheer willpower to continue even as his "angels" died and were swapped out, like in the case of Shin and Eddie.]
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And ultimately, it is true that he paid a price for what happened. Is that Danny's fault? Not precisely, but had things not derailed so violently it wouldn't have turned out that way. Any absolution granted would be patently false and they both know it.
Even so, it's not something he's content to leave be where Danny's left it.]
Cathy and Eddie assumed an element of risk when they came to serve. As did I, in creating the experiment to begin with.
[His floor has always been dangerous, if sometimes indirectly, but he also holds to a standard of not killing until someone thoroughly deserves it. And if that's not a good way to get stabbed in the back by desperate people, he isn't sure what is.]
And yet it sounds as though you hold yourself to a higher level of responsibility over me.
[He does understand why, to some extent, but he doesn't precisely agree with the notion, either.]
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But it still leaves him struggling a bit to explain his sense of guilt there.]
You didn't die on your floor like Cathy and Eddie did, you... you probably could have escaped too, if...
[... if Danny had not been so insist on shooting Zack and Rachel dead, and Gray had to stop him from killing them.
But, he doesn't finish that sentence with that, instead lapsing into silence because even he knows it's a weak argument. Especially considering that Gray had chosen to stay of his own accord even after Danny was no longer a threat from several arrows in the chest. He probably could have left him to die there then... but didn't.]
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[It's blunt, but it isn't harsh; there's nothing chastising in it, not really, there's no assignment of blame. It's just a fact, the way things are.
He could have.]
You and I both know that I chose not to.
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[Hence why he didn't bother trying to finish that weak-ass counter argument. But now that leaves him awkwardly silent for a moment because he doesn't have any other real excuse to offer that isn't fucking embarrassing to admit in some way. After a moment, he tries--]
Well, I did also agree to do what was expected of me, when we met... but then, well, didn't.
[So there, he's a disappointment for being selfish and causing that clusterfuck to happen because he didn't stick to what was expected of his role as an "angel" here. Not that he even cared about the "angel" part of that, but again, circling back to that whole "list of things Danny has done poorly" thing that he seems rather stuck on here.]
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[...Definitely so, but at least he's still more or less conceding the point.]
While that may be the case, you don't have to hold yourself accountable for my actions. In the end, they weren't as a result of anything you did or didn't do.
[The situation was, surely. But his actions and their subsequent outcome were his own doing. That, he thinks, is the point he's trying to make; the fact remains that navigating this is far more difficult than he's used to. Discussion of his own thoughts and feelings regarding things isn't anything he indulges in, nor is he in the practice if doing so; far easier to focus on the thoughts and actions of others.]
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... Okay.
[He breathes out a sigh, and it seems he's able to drop the argument now in regards to his guilt or lack there of on certain matters.]
Okay.
[He finds himself saying again rather unnecessarily, as if it'll somehow make it stick that he is in fact okay with it now.]
Regardless... it, ah... was a relief to hear that. And having your help in general. I don't think I could have asked anyone else for this.
[Back to the original point he had been trying to make before devolving into talking about his failures, he's trying to say that it made him happy that you said any of that while taking care of his injury earlier, let alone showing up to do so.]
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Of course, Danny. You don't need to have any hesitation in asking; I'll at least hear anything you see fit to request.
[And chances are that he'll do more than that; it's more or less the way of things.]
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In that case... after you bring the medication over from the kitchen, there's one more thing I'd like to ask you to do.
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[Right, that's a thing that should probably be done, isn't it, let him go do that if we're done talking about emotions and he can do this without looking like he's just trying to fucking bail.
However, since he does not lie and is not, in fact, trying to fucking bail, he will at least hear whatever it is Danny's trying to ask him to do once that's taken care of.]
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Can you... stay for a little while longer? Or, ah... just at least until I fall asleep.
[At least there's less of a danger to him doing so now that the wound has been taken care of, for now, and he's got iv fluids helping to replenish some of the prior blood loss.
There isn't really a place for Gray to sit except for the couch though, so there's also the implication that he kind of wants to go back to leaning against Gray for a few minutes here, but Danny is quick to add--]
It's fine if you can't, though. I don't want to keep you from anything important.
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It...probably isn't as odd a request as it strikes him; he isn't sure what about it hits him strangely, but it takes him a moment to respond.]
You aren't keeping me from anything.
[He's aware that the couch is pretty much the only option, and the implication isn't lost on him; that, however, he finds he doesn't mind now that the unexpected nature of the request itself has been processed and dealt with.
He'll come sit, all right.]
As long as you'd like.
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So Danny nods to that, and maybe it is a bit selfish of him, but he does proceed to lean against Gray here once the other man appears to have found a comfortable spot to sit with him. It's not quite the same fix as skin-to-skin contact can be with moon-lacing, that would most likely require holding Gray's hand or something while doing this, but Danny isn't trying to go that far yet. For the moment, he seems satisfied enough just with doing this.]
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This is weird, to put it in far blunter and more inelegant terms, but it's a good kind of weird, maybe. As long as Danny is content with it, he finds that he can be likewise; it's not something to be thought about or quantified in any sort of measure, not for now. It's possible that he'll try to sort through it later, when he's on his own again and isn't currently trying to become accustomed with the way this is going to go as it's happening; it's more likely that he'll consider long enough to decide that it's something to be disregarded until such a time that it becomes impossible to continue doing so, and then he'll have to sort through why that is, and that's likely to be...messy, in a way he doesn't particularly care for.
But for now he hadn't lied to him, because he doesn't deal in untruths - he's meant everything he's said, and that includes the notion that Danny hasn't done anything to displease or disappoint him in needing any of this, and it likewise includes the notion that he'll be here for as long as Danny pleases, at least for the time being.]
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Which, aside from the way he's started breathing in the last few minutes, is one of two signs that Danny appears to have fallen asleep here from where he's leaning up against Gray's side. Like he said before, Gray can take this opportunity to leave if he wants to, or really even do whatever else he wants while in Danny's apartment.
But at least he doesn't sound like he's too much pain at the moment. Guess having Gray around actually did help in having him be able to sleep a little easier.]
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At least, that's how it works for concussions; he imagines it's much the same for blood loss. Things that can cause the body to go into shock and all that.
So he'll let Danny sleep for a while; as little as he generally cares about invasion of one's living space, he actually holds little interest in going through the apartment while Danny is asleep. Even so, it isn't as though he wasn't brought up knowing how to pass time in silence; at times like this you reflect, and you pray to a god that doesn't exist, and it's been a while since he's done any of that in any sort of earnest - there's still no sincerity behind any prayers he may happen to give, no expectation that anything he offers will be heard, but it's something that's familiar and the words come to mind easily, so for the time being that's what he does. For the world, that it might know purity and faith in god, and that the nonbelievers may be purged in unending fire; for the well-being of all his servants, and the deaths of those who would seek to lead them astray. There's a brief intercession for Danny; there's a somewhat longer one for the means and the ability to destroy the cause of whatever happened to him.
He'll wake Danny up eventually, however, just to see how well he's capable of doing that; he's not trying to straight-up jostle him or anything, but he'll shake him a bit, minding the injury as he does so.]
Danny.
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--Hmm?
[Normally, being a paranoid person, being awoken by means other than naturally can put him on edge, and sure enough, he quickly brings a hand up to grasp Gray's arm before he winces from the pain of his injury at the sudden movement. It does however cause him to blink a bit more back to awareness and remembers--right, Gray. He had been sitting next to him, so it makes sense for him to be the one waking us up. While he doesn't remove his hand yet, he seems to relax about as much as he can.]
What... is it? Did something happen?
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No, it's fine. I found it prudent to make sure you were still responsive; that's all.
[So at least he wanted to verify you weren't going to up and die on him.]
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