[There's some sort of black humor to be found in the notion that at least Gray doesn't mind blood. His touch is unhesitating, though he's being reasonably light about it; there's hardly any sense in causing undue pain at the moment, as unpleasant though the situation is. If anything, it's something he seems to be taking morbid interest in; he understands basic things, as medicine goes, but he's entirely untrained and this is something he's never really done in any sort of meaningful way.
So congratulations, Danny, you're a learning experience on top of whatever else is going on here.]
There isn't any exit wound. Which is likely for the best, I imagine.
[Like, yeah, this is going to involve DIY bullet extraction, but that's not half as unfortunate as the thing just ripping straight through everything in its path.
Speaking of, though...]
It doesn't seem likely to be against anything vital. Here.
[Danny would take so much pride in that kind of praise, if he knew that Gray was thinking... and maybe thank God it wasn't Iris or else Danny would probably have embarrassing feelings about Gray touching him here.
As it is, he's too focused on not passing out from pain, and upon the confirmation that there is indeed a bullet stuck in his arm, he breathes out a sigh between his teeth.]
Okay... o--okay, get open the kit and put on the gloves, wipe the spot with any alcohol-free cleansing wipes that are in there. [He will wait for Gray to do as intended before he continues with the instructions.] Then take out a scalpel, tweezers, and bandages... for now, specifically whichever bandages are thick enough to use as a gag here, because I'd like to not risk biting off my own tongue from the pain of when you first start cutting into my arm here.
[He can't exactly put one in place one-handed. And because of that he'll have to give the rest of the instructions before he's put in a position where he can't talk, so he quickly moves his right hand a bit to point and indicate what needs to be done.]
You're going to take the scalpel and make an incision about this wide [He indicates with his fingers the desired length before continuing] in the spot where you feel the bullet. If it's right up against the skin, you might get lucky and be able to just push it out if it's in one piece, but if the bullet has any pieces broken off, you're--ugh--going to need to use the tweezers to remove the smaller pieces of the bullet or even any broken off pieces of... of bone you can see if it struck close enough to the shoulder or arm bones for that. Understand?
[Danny takes a breath to try to calm and, well, awake, before he finishes--]
Also... i--it would be best if I stay awake until the wound is actually stitched closed, given... given how much blood I've lost already. So while you probably shouldn't shake me while working to keep me awake since that would risk the scalpel scraping bone, feel free to do whatever else you think you need to do if it starts looking like I'm about to pass out.
[Like prodding or pinching him or whatever, basically.]
[That said, he won't be physically rough with him if he doesn't have to be; again, it seems counterproductive for what they're trying to do, and as mildly frustrated though he is with the situation as a whole, none of that is aimed at Danny in particular. Very little of his situational agitation tends to be, really, even if Danny tends to be directly involved (like he was in the building, like he was during that entire final clusterfuck) and maybe it isn't right for him to wait to say anything until Danny is gagged and can no longer respond to him in any meaningful sort of way but that's what he does, both for the convenience of it and for the part where talking to someone tends to keep them awake.
...He'll admittedly also wait until the initial incision is made, in the interest of not fucking this up. Knives have never been his thing - that honor goes to drugs and flames - but they've got the benefit of not being rocket science, at least.]
I appreciate that you called me regarding this.
[That's...well, it's somewhere to start, anyway.]
As little as either of us particularly want any of this, it remains something I would have wanted to know about regardless. I don't see this as reason to be displeased with you.
...Certainly with the person responsible. But not with you.
[It feels like something that should be clarified, at the very least.]
I've no intention of involving myself in this any further than you deem necessary. Your day-to-day business and what we do has always remained distinct. I admit that I don't know if that is entirely the best course of action here - as the experiment no longer exists, it makes it a bit more difficult to see clearly where the lines should lie. But I likewise have no argument with assisting in such a way if needs be.
...It was good of you to notify me, I suppose.
[And that is about the extent of his goddamn ability to discuss anything resembling feelings for the time being, if no one minds. Just...let him keep working on this for a bit, all right.]
[Yeah thanks for waiting until you actually started to cut into him so that he didn't try to speak, especially when he's supposed to be not biting his tongue off at the same time from the initial pain of getting a bullet removed.
Initially his plan had been to stare at the alley wall as a distraction, but when Gray starts speaking, his eyes flicker back to actually looking at the other man, widening a little in surprise. He had not been expecting Gray to say much of anything while working on the injury here, let alone that. Sure it's... about what one can expect from Gray in the emotional availability department, but it's still a relief to hear nonetheless that Gray isn't angry at him somehow for getting in this situation. It's a weight off his chest honestly, the prior worry and embarrassment of getting Gray involved easing back some that despite there being a scalpel and tweezers prodding around in his upper left arm, he seems to relax a little.
... Or maybe that's the blood loss, but Danny still has enough of his bearings to nudge the first aid kit closer to get a look at until he spots what he's looking for: more bandages, and the material and needles for making temporary stitches, which he'll gesture to once the bullet (or the last of any fragments) is getting removed. Does Gray know how to sew by any chance?]
[Vow of poverty (that somehow nonetheless allowed for enough allocation to purchase and outfit an entire goddamn building), Danny. Of course he does. The stitches will, unfortunately, end up being temporary as hell, because he's not the best at this and he's never really done this on a living person, either, but it'll be suitable enough, anyway. He actually will do Danny the basic courtesy of not trying to sort out anything else that may involve emotional output beyond what he's already said; at least he works quickly enough without sacrificing efficiency, to the best of his ability.]
[Once the stitches have been done, Danny will check the ones he is able to see in regards to the entry wound... definitely temporary as all hell, but also better than nothing as it can be assumed the same quality of work for the exit wound. He finally reaches up to try to remove the gag so that he can speak again.
And sure, while he would like to say something about Gray's words from a moment ago, the dizziness he's experiencing insists on focusing on the issue at hand first.]
That... that should be good enough for now. We just... get to our apartment for the last part of what we need, and then it'll be fine...
[I mean except for the part where nothing about this is fine at all, but Danny starts to put a hand out on the wall to steady himself when he goes to stand so that they can finally leave this alley behind... only to stumble a fair bit and having to grab Gray's arm instead to keep from ending up face-down on the ground here. Whoops.]
[...Thankfully he got up fairly easily once he was done with that and is more than unyielding enough to provide something to hold onto, moving to catch Danny a bit more firmly with his free hand and make sure the guy doesn't just drop to the ground or otherwise catch himself with his face.]
[Man we are looking very uncool in front of the Reverend today, but Danny is grateful even so for the assistance in making sure he doesn't just pass out here in the alley instead of the privacy of his apartment.
He can still walk, but he is going to be leaning a fair bit against Gray's arm he's grabbed onto here for balance, and, thank God, it's not a long trek to the apartment, so he doesn't have to worry about too many people noticing them. Danny's coat is pretty much ruined but it's a dark enough color that he can use it to disguise most of the blood on the rest of his clothing.
Once they get there and he's able to get the door open, he'll speak again from where he's still leaning against Gray at the moment, not really feeling a need to stop doing so yet.]
In the back of the fridge there's a false back that if you push it aside, there will be a few blood bags. Right now it's just my blood type so you don't have to worry about which one to grab, along with one of the bags of clear liquid in there too.
The closet has an IV stand we can use to keep them held up correctly for us here.
[... Danny why the fuck do you have those--actually you know what, knowing Danny, he probably stole these things from the hospital or clinic he works at somehow. It wouldn't be the first time he stole things from there when he was working in the building with the other killers.]
[...He would ask why the fuck you have any of this, but he's pretty sure he knows exactly why the fuck you have any of this and you know what, there's a time for questioning and now isn't precisely it.
That said, though- ]
And where would you have me put you for this?
[He doesn't mind the contact, sur...prisingly enough? But you're going to have to be set somewhere while this is going on.]
The... [He starts to suggest his bedroom where he can lie down, before two things occur to him: A. the blood still on his clothing, and B. the idea of bringing Gray to his bedroom is suddenly a rather mortifying thought even though it's a perfectly normal reason to go there, so instead his gaze drifts to the living room.]
... The couch is fine for now. I need to get a new one anyway, so it doesn't matter if my blood ends up on it.
[... On account of this being the same couch that he initially had kept Jyuto's body on after it crystalized. Not that any of Jyuto's blood had ended up on said couch thanks to the weird crystal thing, but it's still something he plans on getting rid of sooner or later because of that incident. But hey, also blood ending up on it from getting shot is as good an excuse as any to get rid of it too, right.]
[...You know, if he knew about this line of thought he probably would argue it, just because of the logistics of changing the sheets as opposed to changing the whole-ass couch? This seems like such a Massive Blood Loss decision.]
...Very well, if you're certain.
[He's not going to try to debate the questionable life choices today. That can come later, for now it's a matter of depositing Danny on his couch made of priorities and getting the supplies he'd mentioned, and not exactly seeming inclined to go anywhere even once he's done that.]
[Since when is Danny absolutely certain of anything, Gray.
Once he's seated on the couch, he'll go through the instructions of placing the bags on the stand, and getting the needles into his arm. Once that is done, he sighs, wincing from the amount of pain he's still in.]
Okay... I think I have some medication somewhere in the kitchen, but it'll probably be a while before they start to take a decent effect. Otherwise, this is about as much as we can do on our own for now.
[Until then his choices are passing the fuck out and hoping nothing really stupid happens in the form of an unforseen medical complication while he's unconscious... or talking to Gray, which seems to still be the option available to him since Gray hasn't made any indication of wanting to leave yet.]
... About what you were saying earlier...
[Because of course he starts there on conversation topics they could be having.]
... I'm glad that you're not... displeased with us about... you know. This.
[Indicates the injured arm with his other hand since it's not a good idea to be moving his injured arm around too much now that he's home.]
[...Right. Of all conversations we could be having right now, he chooses this. Naturally.
Just... Gray will remain near him on the couch at that point (seeing as it's just infinitely easier to get needles in when you aren't just hovering over someone), and though he doesn't seem entirely certain how to proceed with this he doesn't seem like he wants to flounce out of the conversation, either.]
I fail to see why I would be. You don't often tend to disappoint me.
[He's glad you're not hovering over him, it makes it easier on his nerves talking about this.]
... But I have, before.
[Disappointed Gray, he means. Like the entire clusterfuck that happened with the building and the end of our lives. Or at least he's pretty sure that's sitting somewhere in the evidence pile of "things that make Danny a disappointment" here. He could probably think of more, past events he probably could have done better with even before meeting Rachel, but that's the big one that he's certain of that Gray would be referring to here.]
[It isn't a needed reminder, but one he feels obligated to state anyway.]
You've taken actions in the past that I haven't agreed with or approved of, I imagine that much to be plain. Even so, continuing to hold such things against you seems pointless now; it isn't as though there was no penance done.
[Danny starts to open his mouth at the reminder that Gray isn't one to lie, but then whatever he had thought about saying to that goes away as Gray continues speaking.
Penance huh... yeah, he guesses he did pay a price for it in the end, what with dying and all. But...]
You ended up paying for it too... and Cathy and Eddie as well, I suppose.
[He doesn't feel as much guilt as he maybe should where they are concerned--they were well aware that "judging sacrifices" results in dangerous things happening, they had to have known on some level that the possibility of them dying someday in that building was pretty high. Of course, Zack had not been normally a part of that equation of what might kill them someday, but then, it's not his fault either that Zack chose Rachel, of all people, to be the one that he decided was worth chasing to the next floor.
But Gray was someone he had sort of imagined as an ever-present constant that wouldn't die--not because he was an actual God, but just out of sheer willpower to continue even as his "angels" died and were swapped out, like in the case of Shin and Eddie.]
[It takes him a moment to find something to say with regards to that; it is, after all, as he's always said, and as he's just reiterated now - he doesn't lie. He has no intention of starting now, nor is he one to tend to grant absolution from things that are ultimately known to be true.
And ultimately, it is true that he paid a price for what happened. Is that Danny's fault? Not precisely, but had things not derailed so violently it wouldn't have turned out that way. Any absolution granted would be patently false and they both know it.
Even so, it's not something he's content to leave be where Danny's left it.]
Cathy and Eddie assumed an element of risk when they came to serve. As did I, in creating the experiment to begin with.
[His floor has always been dangerous, if sometimes indirectly, but he also holds to a standard of not killing until someone thoroughly deserves it. And if that's not a good way to get stabbed in the back by desperate people, he isn't sure what is.]
And yet it sounds as though you hold yourself to a higher level of responsibility over me.
[He does understand why, to some extent, but he doesn't precisely agree with the notion, either.]
[It doesn't surprise him to hear the first part of what Gray said, or even really the second for him to be observant of the fact that Danny's prior response seemed to care more about Gray having died than Eddie, a child, or even Cathy, someone he knew before meeting Gray.
But it still leaves him struggling a bit to explain his sense of guilt there.]
You didn't die on your floor like Cathy and Eddie did, you... you probably could have escaped too, if...
[... if Danny had not been so insist on shooting Zack and Rachel dead, and Gray had to stop him from killing them.
But, he doesn't finish that sentence with that, instead lapsing into silence because even he knows it's a weak argument. Especially considering that Gray had chosen to stay of his own accord even after Danny was no longer a threat from several arrows in the chest. He probably could have left him to die there then... but didn't.]
[Hence why he didn't bother trying to finish that weak-ass counter argument. But now that leaves him awkwardly silent for a moment because he doesn't have any other real excuse to offer that isn't fucking embarrassing to admit in some way. After a moment, he tries--]
Well, I did also agree to do what was expected of me, when we met... but then, well, didn't.
[So there, he's a disappointment for being selfish and causing that clusterfuck to happen because he didn't stick to what was expected of his role as an "angel" here. Not that he even cared about the "angel" part of that, but again, circling back to that whole "list of things Danny has done poorly" thing that he seems rather stuck on here.]
[...Definitely so, but at least he's still more or less conceding the point.]
While that may be the case, you don't have to hold yourself accountable for my actions. In the end, they weren't as a result of anything you did or didn't do.
[The situation was, surely. But his actions and their subsequent outcome were his own doing. That, he thinks, is the point he's trying to make; the fact remains that navigating this is far more difficult than he's used to. Discussion of his own thoughts and feelings regarding things isn't anything he indulges in, nor is he in the practice if doing so; far easier to focus on the thoughts and actions of others.]
[Danny feels like that was still his fault in some way, but--like the man said, Gray isn't a liar. It's one of the only reasons even Zack trusted him to some degree.]
... Okay.
[He breathes out a sigh, and it seems he's able to drop the argument now in regards to his guilt or lack there of on certain matters.]
Okay.
[He finds himself saying again rather unnecessarily, as if it'll somehow make it stick that he is in fact okay with it now.]
Regardless... it, ah... was a relief to hear that. And having your help in general. I don't think I could have asked anyone else for this.
[Back to the original point he had been trying to make before devolving into talking about his failures, he's trying to say that it made him happy that you said any of that while taking care of his injury earlier, let alone showing up to do so.]
[Good, that's great to hear, actually. Danny leans back against the couch a little, a thought coming to mind of something else that's... veering dangerously into feelings territory, but his mouth moves before he can stop himself.]
In that case... after you bring the medication over from the kitchen, there's one more thing I'd like to ask you to do.
[Right, that's a thing that should probably be done, isn't it, let him go do that if we're done talking about emotions and he can do this without looking like he's just trying to fucking bail.
However, since he does not lie and is not, in fact, trying to fucking bail, he will at least hear whatever it is Danny's trying to ask him to do once that's taken care of.]
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divinesight) wrote2020-02-21 08:46 pm
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So congratulations, Danny, you're a learning experience on top of whatever else is going on here.]
There isn't any exit wound. Which is likely for the best, I imagine.
[Like, yeah, this is going to involve DIY bullet extraction, but that's not half as unfortunate as the thing just ripping straight through everything in its path.
Speaking of, though...]
It doesn't seem likely to be against anything vital. Here.
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As it is, he's too focused on not passing out from pain, and upon the confirmation that there is indeed a bullet stuck in his arm, he breathes out a sigh between his teeth.]
Okay... o--okay, get open the kit and put on the gloves, wipe the spot with any alcohol-free cleansing wipes that are in there. [He will wait for Gray to do as intended before he continues with the instructions.] Then take out a scalpel, tweezers, and bandages... for now, specifically whichever bandages are thick enough to use as a gag here, because I'd like to not risk biting off my own tongue from the pain of when you first start cutting into my arm here.
[He can't exactly put one in place one-handed. And because of that he'll have to give the rest of the instructions before he's put in a position where he can't talk, so he quickly moves his right hand a bit to point and indicate what needs to be done.]
You're going to take the scalpel and make an incision about this wide [He indicates with his fingers the desired length before continuing] in the spot where you feel the bullet. If it's right up against the skin, you might get lucky and be able to just push it out if it's in one piece, but if the bullet has any pieces broken off, you're--ugh--going to need to use the tweezers to remove the smaller pieces of the bullet or even any broken off pieces of... of bone you can see if it struck close enough to the shoulder or arm bones for that. Understand?
[Danny takes a breath to try to calm and, well, awake, before he finishes--]
Also... i--it would be best if I stay awake until the wound is actually stitched closed, given... given how much blood I've lost already. So while you probably shouldn't shake me while working to keep me awake since that would risk the scalpel scraping bone, feel free to do whatever else you think you need to do if it starts looking like I'm about to pass out.
[Like prodding or pinching him or whatever, basically.]
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[That said, he won't be physically rough with him if he doesn't have to be; again, it seems counterproductive for what they're trying to do, and as mildly frustrated though he is with the situation as a whole, none of that is aimed at Danny in particular. Very little of his situational agitation tends to be, really, even if Danny tends to be directly involved (like he was in the building, like he was during that entire final clusterfuck) and maybe it isn't right for him to wait to say anything until Danny is gagged and can no longer respond to him in any meaningful sort of way but that's what he does, both for the convenience of it and for the part where talking to someone tends to keep them awake.
...He'll admittedly also wait until the initial incision is made, in the interest of not fucking this up. Knives have never been his thing - that honor goes to drugs and flames - but they've got the benefit of not being rocket science, at least.]
I appreciate that you called me regarding this.
[That's...well, it's somewhere to start, anyway.]
As little as either of us particularly want any of this, it remains something I would have wanted to know about regardless. I don't see this as reason to be displeased with you.
...Certainly with the person responsible. But not with you.
[It feels like something that should be clarified, at the very least.]
I've no intention of involving myself in this any further than you deem necessary. Your day-to-day business and what we do has always remained distinct. I admit that I don't know if that is entirely the best course of action here - as the experiment no longer exists, it makes it a bit more difficult to see clearly where the lines should lie. But I likewise have no argument with assisting in such a way if needs be.
...It was good of you to notify me, I suppose.
[And that is about the extent of his goddamn ability to discuss anything resembling feelings for the time being, if no one minds. Just...let him keep working on this for a bit, all right.]
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Initially his plan had been to stare at the alley wall as a distraction, but when Gray starts speaking, his eyes flicker back to actually looking at the other man, widening a little in surprise. He had not been expecting Gray to say much of anything while working on the injury here, let alone that. Sure it's... about what one can expect from Gray in the emotional availability department, but it's still a relief to hear nonetheless that Gray isn't angry at him somehow for getting in this situation. It's a weight off his chest honestly, the prior worry and embarrassment of getting Gray involved easing back some that despite there being a scalpel and tweezers prodding around in his upper left arm, he seems to relax a little.
... Or maybe that's the blood loss, but Danny still has enough of his bearings to nudge the first aid kit closer to get a look at until he spots what he's looking for: more bandages, and the material and needles for making temporary stitches, which he'll gesture to once the bullet (or the last of any fragments) is getting removed. Does Gray know how to sew by any chance?]
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And sure, while he would like to say something about Gray's words from a moment ago, the dizziness he's experiencing insists on focusing on the issue at hand first.]
That... that should be good enough for now. We just... get to our apartment for the last part of what we need, and then it'll be fine...
[I mean except for the part where nothing about this is fine at all, but Danny starts to put a hand out on the wall to steady himself when he goes to stand so that they can finally leave this alley behind... only to stumble a fair bit and having to grab Gray's arm instead to keep from ending up face-down on the ground here. Whoops.]
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It goes without saying that I'm going with you.
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[Man we are looking very uncool in front of the Reverend today, but Danny is grateful even so for the assistance in making sure he doesn't just pass out here in the alley instead of the privacy of his apartment.
He can still walk, but he is going to be leaning a fair bit against Gray's arm he's grabbed onto here for balance, and, thank God, it's not a long trek to the apartment, so he doesn't have to worry about too many people noticing them. Danny's coat is pretty much ruined but it's a dark enough color that he can use it to disguise most of the blood on the rest of his clothing.
Once they get there and he's able to get the door open, he'll speak again from where he's still leaning against Gray at the moment, not really feeling a need to stop doing so yet.]
In the back of the fridge there's a false back that if you push it aside, there will be a few blood bags. Right now it's just my blood type so you don't have to worry about which one to grab, along with one of the bags of clear liquid in there too.
The closet has an IV stand we can use to keep them held up correctly for us here.
[... Danny why the fuck do you have those--actually you know what, knowing Danny, he probably stole these things from the hospital or clinic he works at somehow. It wouldn't be the first time he stole things from there when he was working in the building with the other killers.]
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That said, though- ]
And where would you have me put you for this?
[He doesn't mind the contact, sur...prisingly enough? But you're going to have to be set somewhere while this is going on.]
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... The couch is fine for now. I need to get a new one anyway, so it doesn't matter if my blood ends up on it.
[... On account of this being the same couch that he initially had kept Jyuto's body on after it crystalized. Not that any of Jyuto's blood had ended up on said couch thanks to the weird crystal thing, but it's still something he plans on getting rid of sooner or later because of that incident. But hey, also blood ending up on it from getting shot is as good an excuse as any to get rid of it too, right.]
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...Very well, if you're certain.
[He's not going to try to debate the questionable life choices today. That can come later, for now it's a matter of depositing Danny on his couch made of priorities and getting the supplies he'd mentioned, and not exactly seeming inclined to go anywhere even once he's done that.]
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Since when is Danny absolutely certain of anything, Gray.Once he's seated on the couch, he'll go through the instructions of placing the bags on the stand, and getting the needles into his arm. Once that is done, he sighs, wincing from the amount of pain he's still in.]
Okay... I think I have some medication somewhere in the kitchen, but it'll probably be a while before they start to take a decent effect. Otherwise, this is about as much as we can do on our own for now.
[Until then his choices are passing the fuck out and hoping nothing really stupid happens in the form of an unforseen medical complication while he's unconscious... or talking to Gray, which seems to still be the option available to him since Gray hasn't made any indication of wanting to leave yet.]
... About what you were saying earlier...
[Because of course he starts there on conversation topics they could be having.]
... I'm glad that you're not... displeased with us about... you know. This.
[Indicates the injured arm with his other hand since it's not a good idea to be moving his injured arm around too much now that he's home.]
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Just... Gray will remain near him on the couch at that point (seeing as it's just infinitely easier to get needles in when you aren't just hovering over someone), and though he doesn't seem entirely certain how to proceed with this he doesn't seem like he wants to flounce out of the conversation, either.]
I fail to see why I would be. You don't often tend to disappoint me.
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... But I have, before.
[Disappointed Gray, he means. Like the entire clusterfuck that happened with the building and the end of our lives. Or at least he's pretty sure that's sitting somewhere in the evidence pile of "things that make Danny a disappointment" here. He could probably think of more, past events he probably could have done better with even before meeting Rachel, but that's the big one that he's certain of that Gray would be referring to here.]
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[It isn't a needed reminder, but one he feels obligated to state anyway.]
You've taken actions in the past that I haven't agreed with or approved of, I imagine that much to be plain. Even so, continuing to hold such things against you seems pointless now; it isn't as though there was no penance done.
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Penance huh... yeah, he guesses he did pay a price for it in the end, what with dying and all. But...]
You ended up paying for it too... and Cathy and Eddie as well, I suppose.
[He doesn't feel as much guilt as he maybe should where they are concerned--they were well aware that "judging sacrifices" results in dangerous things happening, they had to have known on some level that the possibility of them dying someday in that building was pretty high. Of course, Zack had not been normally a part of that equation of what might kill them someday, but then, it's not his fault either that Zack chose Rachel, of all people, to be the one that he decided was worth chasing to the next floor.
But Gray was someone he had sort of imagined as an ever-present constant that wouldn't die--not because he was an actual God, but just out of sheer willpower to continue even as his "angels" died and were swapped out, like in the case of Shin and Eddie.]
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And ultimately, it is true that he paid a price for what happened. Is that Danny's fault? Not precisely, but had things not derailed so violently it wouldn't have turned out that way. Any absolution granted would be patently false and they both know it.
Even so, it's not something he's content to leave be where Danny's left it.]
Cathy and Eddie assumed an element of risk when they came to serve. As did I, in creating the experiment to begin with.
[His floor has always been dangerous, if sometimes indirectly, but he also holds to a standard of not killing until someone thoroughly deserves it. And if that's not a good way to get stabbed in the back by desperate people, he isn't sure what is.]
And yet it sounds as though you hold yourself to a higher level of responsibility over me.
[He does understand why, to some extent, but he doesn't precisely agree with the notion, either.]
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But it still leaves him struggling a bit to explain his sense of guilt there.]
You didn't die on your floor like Cathy and Eddie did, you... you probably could have escaped too, if...
[... if Danny had not been so insist on shooting Zack and Rachel dead, and Gray had to stop him from killing them.
But, he doesn't finish that sentence with that, instead lapsing into silence because even he knows it's a weak argument. Especially considering that Gray had chosen to stay of his own accord even after Danny was no longer a threat from several arrows in the chest. He probably could have left him to die there then... but didn't.]
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[It's blunt, but it isn't harsh; there's nothing chastising in it, not really, there's no assignment of blame. It's just a fact, the way things are.
He could have.]
You and I both know that I chose not to.
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[Hence why he didn't bother trying to finish that weak-ass counter argument. But now that leaves him awkwardly silent for a moment because he doesn't have any other real excuse to offer that isn't fucking embarrassing to admit in some way. After a moment, he tries--]
Well, I did also agree to do what was expected of me, when we met... but then, well, didn't.
[So there, he's a disappointment for being selfish and causing that clusterfuck to happen because he didn't stick to what was expected of his role as an "angel" here. Not that he even cared about the "angel" part of that, but again, circling back to that whole "list of things Danny has done poorly" thing that he seems rather stuck on here.]
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[...Definitely so, but at least he's still more or less conceding the point.]
While that may be the case, you don't have to hold yourself accountable for my actions. In the end, they weren't as a result of anything you did or didn't do.
[The situation was, surely. But his actions and their subsequent outcome were his own doing. That, he thinks, is the point he's trying to make; the fact remains that navigating this is far more difficult than he's used to. Discussion of his own thoughts and feelings regarding things isn't anything he indulges in, nor is he in the practice if doing so; far easier to focus on the thoughts and actions of others.]
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... Okay.
[He breathes out a sigh, and it seems he's able to drop the argument now in regards to his guilt or lack there of on certain matters.]
Okay.
[He finds himself saying again rather unnecessarily, as if it'll somehow make it stick that he is in fact okay with it now.]
Regardless... it, ah... was a relief to hear that. And having your help in general. I don't think I could have asked anyone else for this.
[Back to the original point he had been trying to make before devolving into talking about his failures, he's trying to say that it made him happy that you said any of that while taking care of his injury earlier, let alone showing up to do so.]
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Of course, Danny. You don't need to have any hesitation in asking; I'll at least hear anything you see fit to request.
[And chances are that he'll do more than that; it's more or less the way of things.]
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In that case... after you bring the medication over from the kitchen, there's one more thing I'd like to ask you to do.
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[Right, that's a thing that should probably be done, isn't it, let him go do that if we're done talking about emotions and he can do this without looking like he's just trying to fucking bail.
However, since he does not lie and is not, in fact, trying to fucking bail, he will at least hear whatever it is Danny's trying to ask him to do once that's taken care of.]
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